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제목 Self Introduction 등록일 2014-10-10
내용 Hello, my name is Diana and I am 23 years old in Korean age.
I live in Anyang which is located in southern part of Kyeongki in Korea.
I live in an middle-sized appartment with my family.
There are five people in my family, grandmother, my parents, younger brother and me.
Actually my father and I go to same company called Samsung SDS.
Samsung SDS is the biggest ICT service company in Korea.
I've just hired in this company.
Therefore I took many education program such as SVP which stands for Samsung Valued Program,
Program language class including java and database.
Frankly speaking, I am very shy person and sometimes very timid.
so It is hard to me become intimate with my seniors.
However I will try hard to be familiar with them.
And, I am interested in dancing, so in my free time, I like to listen to music and dance to the song.
That's all of my introduction.
담당강사 Wynston2 등록일 2014-10-10
첨삭 내용

Hello, my name is Diana and I am 23 years old in Korean age. I live in THE CITY OF Anyang, which is located in THE southern part of Kyeongki in Korea. I live in an middle-sized appartment with my family. There are five people in my family, MY grandmother, my parents, A younger brother, and me. Actually My father and I go to WORK AT THE same company called Samsung SDS. I WAS RECENTLY HIRED THERE. Samsung SDS   IT is the biggest ICT service company in Korea. I've just hired in this company. Therefore SINCE I STARTED, I HAVE TAKEN I took many education programS such as SVP which stands for Samsung Valued Program, AS WELL AS Program language classES, including java and database. Frankly speaking, I am very shy person and sometimes very timid, so It is hard to FOR me become intimate TO FEEL COMFORTABLE with my seniors. However, I will try hard TO MAKE AN EFFORT. to be familiar with them. And, AS I am interested in dancing, so in my free time, I like to listen to music and dance to the songS. That's all of my introduction.

 

***DIANA --- YOUR COMMENTS WERE CLEAR.  ALL I DID WAS HELP YOU RE-STRUCTURE YOUR SENTENCES GRAMMATICALLY.  NICE JOB.

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