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제목 No working, No money. 등록일 2014-10-13
내용 I like to give my money to people who have a disability than beggers.

If beggers have strong arms and legs and they want to work,
they can work and earn money like normal people.

However because of some accidents like car crash or unoccasional accidents,
there are people with no arm or foot that is disable.

If they beg to me, I often give them my money with being a sympathy.

I don't think that beggers would buy food or do for a living with the begged money.

It makes continuously them beg to people to give alms to them.

The poverty is unhappy. however to give money to begger is not to help them living for himself.

As a big picture, It is a good method to give some money to begger.

As a result, it disturbs beggers living as a human.
담당강사 Love 등록일 2015-01-19
첨삭 내용

I like to give my money to people who have a disability than beggers. If beggers have strong arms and legs and they want to work, they can work and earn money like normal people. However because of some accidents like car crash or unoccasional accidents, there are people with no arm or foot that is disable. If they beg to me, I often give them my money with being a sympathy. I don't think that beggers would buy food or do for a living with the begged money. It makes continuously them beg to people to give alms to them. The poverty is unhappy. however to give money to begger is not to help them living for himself. As a big picture, It is a good method to give some money to begger. As a result, it disturbs beggers living as a human.

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-> I like to give my money to disabled people than beggars.

-> If beggars have...

-> However, because of some accidents like car crash or unoccasional other accidents, there are people with no arm or foot that is disable.

-> If they beg to me, I often sympathize and give them money with being a sympathy.

-> I don't think that beggars would buy food or make a living with the begged money.

->  It makes them continuously beg people for alms.

->  The Poverty is unhappy. However, to give money to beggars does not help them live by themselves.

-> As a big picture, it is a good method to give some money to beggars. As a result, (it disturbs beggers living as a human)- idea is unclear

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Hi James,

Thank you for sending your composition. However, be mindful of your choice of words and kindly go over your sentences and review your corrections. Make sure that you use proper words in your construction in order to make your ideas clear. Have a nice day James! smiley

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